By Tanner Stransky
Updated July 30, 2011 at 12:00 PM EDT

Saturday evening television programming is rather dismal, for the most part, but one gem stood out this past evening: Animal Planet’s superbly titled one-hour special Help! I’m Becoming a Cat Lady! How could you not tune in to something like that? While veiwing this special (which I’m told, if successful, will be spun into a series), I found myself cackling away as two experts — psychologist, life coach, and dating expert Alyson and beauty and fashion guru Anthony — helped the tragic and still relatively young Gina, who, without intervention, was headed toward total Cat Lady-dom. (Gina has two cats: Blue and Trinket. She’s pictured here with one of them.) It’s like What Not to Wear for Future Cat Ladies. In a word: Genius.

The best way for you to get the full, delicious flavor of the show is by a round-up of the best lines uttered by Gina and her makeover posse, Alyson and Anthony. With that edict, I could have just transcribed the entire hour, sure, but I restrained myself to these 10 purrrfect bites. Enjoy:

“Blue’s my first born. He’s 11 years old. He’s the sexy man in my life.” —Gina, talking about her cat Blue

“I don’t wanna wake up one morning, and I’m just one, giant hairball.” —Gina, making it known that, no, she doesn’t want to become a Cat Lady

“You have the wrong jeans on. If you have the right jeans on, your butt would be smiling happily.” —Anthony, helping Gina with her fashion choices

“Red flag number one: Cat box in the dining room, next to the dining table. What man would enjoy a home-cooked meal here? Seems obvious, right? Not to the cat lady.” —Alyson, on inspection of Gina’s apartment

“Red flag number two: Cat photos, framed.” —Alyson, on inspection of Gina’s apartment

“When I do date, I’ll have him come pick me up because Blue is like my barometer, and he kind of lets me know if this guy is going to be a keeper or not a keeper.” —Gina, on her tragic dating tactics

“I love this. It’s my inner kitten. It’s sexy.” —Gina, on a leopard-print frock Anthony wanted to throw out

“Gina, this is Poly and Esther. There is nothing cute about these two sisters. I’m going to put this in the no-no pile.” —Anthony, while going through Gina’s wardrobe

“The cat mommy uniform: baggy jeans, a shapeless top in a neutral color to better camouflage the cat hair, and a practical ponytail.” —Alyson, summing up the standard look of Gina and countless other Cat Ladies in the making

“Yes, I’m a cat mommy, but I will never ever become the cat mommy.” —Gina, at the end of the hour

Did you watch? Were you similarly fascinated? Any sound bites I missed or other thoughts about I’m Becoming a Cat Lady! that you’d like to share? Sound off below!

Tanner on Twitter: @EWTanStransky