July 27, 2011 at 05:21 PM EDT

There is nothing worse than getting caught in between a couple, post-break-up, while they go back and forth with their “he said, she said” routine. (Actually, getting caught in between this would be worse. Way worse.)

So imagine our discomfort when Crystal Harris stopped by Howard Stern’s XM radio show on Tuesday to plant irreversible images in our head bash the boat captain/magazine mogul. In addition to claiming that she’d never seen Hef naked because the 85-year-old rarely takes off his clothes (here’s an artist’s rendering of what he would probably look like), Harris said that sex with Hef only went for “like, two seconds.” The 24-year-old, who said she wasn’t turned on by the Playboy founder (jowls just aren’t for everyone) then meticulously articulated her post-traumatic Hef disorder for listeners, “Then I was just over it. Was like, ‘Ahhh.’ I was over it. I just, like, walked away.”

But Hef wasn’t going to take this lying down (not unless he had an orthopedic mattress or it was time for his 2 p.m. nap). He tweeted on Tuesday in response to Harris’ radio rant, “When I said ‘I missed a bullet’ when Crystal left, I didn’t mean I didn’t love her. I meant I realized she really didn’t love me.” Hef, who already got some public revenge on his ex-fiance (with stickers… the worst revenge of them all!) continued his Twitter therapy by writing, “I feel sorry for Crystal. She seems lost” and “Crystal convinced me that she adored me. That was the first lie.”

Hef later assured followers he was “happy to be in a better place.” He’s spending time “with new girlfriends Anna Sophia Berglund & Shera Bechard” and “spending Sunday afternoon by the pool playing backgammon, surrounded by two dozen beautiful bikini clad girls.” The heart wants what it wants.

Whose side are you on in the Hugh Hefner/Crystal Harris feud, PopWatchers? Are you horrified to hear the details, or lack thereof, of their sex life? Or just horrified that you read through this entire post?

Read more:

Hugh Hefner wedding canceled

Hugh Hefner adds ‘Runaway Bride’ sticker to Crystal Harris’ upcoming ‘Playboy’ cover

‘Marrying Hef’ Lifetime special gets canceled. But think of all the wasted spin-off opportunities!

Complete Coverage

You May Like