By Annie Barrett
Updated July 12, 2011 at 07:55 PM EDT
TV Guide Network

I live in L.A. now, PopWatchers, so naturally I’ve become a completely different person. Last week, in a stunning departure from the norm, I allowed STRANGERS to manhandle my neglected fingernails and got a manicure over at The Painted Nail. Don’t worry, there was a work reason! The salon doubles as the set for TV Guide Network’s reality show Nail Files. (The new series, from Jersey Shore exec producer SallyAnn Salsano, scored with 1.1 million viewers and triple digit increases among female viewers when it premiered June 22.)

Salon owner Katie Cazorla, 33, is severely wacky — but in a great way, because at least she’s not faking some act for TV. “I thought reality TV shows were for slutty girls who have no self-esteem and like to drink. I love to drink but I’m not gonna have cocktails and make out with some random guy in a hot tub. That was my 20s.” Below, Katie offers up five reasons — one for each finger — to tune into episode 4 tonight (10 p.m. ET/PT).

5. (pinky) “I bust out an old school gymnastics move for Candace Cameron. I used to love DJ and Stephanie Tanner from Full House! Have you seen her? She’s like a size zero. How does she do that?”

4. (ring) “I throw an over-the-top Russian birthday party that’s so extravagantly awesome, and after multiple shots of vodka, I play a really good Russian gypsy.” Katie was disappointed the 8-minute Russian folk dance was edited down for TV, but was glad the crew at least stopped filming when, during one of many rehearsals, “I almost vomited my lungs out into the toilet down here.”

3. (bird) Kenny G performs at her fiancé’s (Grammy-winning music producer Walter Afanasieff) birthday party. Who isn’t dying to see Kenny G play all the time? Speaking of the sweet and adorable Walter: He pops up a lot at home, but steers clear of The Painted Nail itself, where most of the show’s action takes place. “It’s not like Walter’s down here singing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ and doing people’s nails. Could you imagine if he was like, ‘And then a hero comes along… ‘ to apply a topcoat of sparkles?”

2. (pointer) The employee drama surrounding crazy tip-stealer Tina and false allegations of threesomes is 100 percent real. “Here’s why reality TV is so jaded. Everything is always set up, you could tell. I watched Rock Star Wives, Real Housewives. Those women aren’t real friends. They put ’em on picnics together. No. The girls you see acting like assholes on my show? They really did.”

1. (thumbs up) This warm invitation Katie extended to me just before I left: “If you do not get any compliments on your nails, you can come back here and punch me in my face.”

That’s a good enough reason as any to head back to the Valley. But here’s one more, from Katie. “If I went to a new salon and they were serving wine — even if it sucked! — I would go.” Katie, who claims to love Taco Bell and will buy anything except her shoes at Tar-jay, clearly has impeccable taste. Sounds pretty legit to me.

Watch two clips of tonight’s Nail Files below.

The Jersey Shore girls will show up next week, and for a few seconds in previews tonight. J-Woww is NOT havin’ it, but everyone at the Painted Nail loved Sammi. Go figure.