By Jeff Labrecque
June 27, 2011 at 01:47 PM EDT
Eddie Malluk/

At Wednesday’s memorial for Jackass star Ryan Dunn, who died last Monday in an alcohol-related car crash, Johnny Knoxville spoke about his friend and what the 34-year-old meant to the close-knit crew that found fame and fun in dangerous antics. But Knoxville was barely holding himself together at the podium, and he writes in an online tribute that “what came out were the mumblings of a man trying his best not to cry.”

In a post titled, “in memory of ryan, pt. 2 — from knoxville with love,” the Jackass ringleader writes:

“I felt 34-percent funnier when I was with Ryan, but I guess everyone did. He had such a hair trigger laugh reflex. He lived his life wanting to laugh and wanting you to laugh with him. He would cackle really f—ing loud, too, and it wasn’t uncommon that he would fall over from it. Sometimes I would fall with him because his spirit was very contagious….

We all are [hurting] because we loved you so much and now you’re gone. I know your spirit lives on in me, [your wife] Angie, Bam and everyone you touched, but that’s pretty tough to see right now through the tears. I’m starting to ramble now, just like I did at the memorial, so I’ll stop. You’ll have to excuse me, I’m just very sad because I lost my brother and my world got about 134-percent less funny. I don’t know what else to say right now, so I will close with I love you, Ryan. I have a lot of emotions swirling, but I want you to know I love you so very much.”

Read more:

Goshen PD confirms: Ryan Dunn’s blood-alcohol level over legal limit

Roger Ebert chides Ryan Dunn for drinking and driving: Too soon?

G4 takes Ryan Dunn’s show off its schedule