The Onion, the satirical newspaper and website that calls itself “America’s Finest News Source,” recently launched a full-scale campaign to win a Pulitzer Prize, the highest honor in American Journalism. And it’s bringing in the big guns: that’s right, we’re talking about Tom Hanks.

In this video endorsement for the publication (embedded after the jump), an oh-so-serious Hanks intones of the selection committee, “I feel an intense physical malice towards whoever is in this mysterious cabal” and goes on to say that if the paper doesn’t receive an award, “I will search you down … each and every one of you who is responsible for this grave injustice. The Pulitzer Prize committee, in fact, should be ashamed of making me this way.” Oh Pulitzer people, are you listening? You do not want to make the Hanks angry!

Of course, Hanks isn’t the first celebrity to get in on the campaign. Mario Batali, knives flashing, has made his plea, as has Arianna Huffington (who threatens,”If The Onion does not receive a Pulitzer, I will make sure that every link on the Huffington Post goes directly to the Columbia Journalism School’s website and cripples it”).