By Annie Barrett
Updated June 08, 2011 at 09:45 PM EDT

Eminem’s at it again with the celebrity disses in “A Kiss,” a track off his forthcoming album Hell: The Sequel. But are they even that bad, compared to some of the more ridiculous s— he’s doled out? Below, I’ve listed some of the Chrysler enthusiast’s more egregious celeb disses. And it’s not even all of ’em! (I know you guys have been on the edges of your seats waiting for my opinions on Eminem.)

Lady Gaga (“A Kiss”)

Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office

She’s already a male lady

Wouldn’t f— her with her d—

The verdict’s in.

She must be heartbroken about that!

Justin Bieber (“A Kiss”)

Him don’t give a damn about Bieber, do him?

Evil just seems to be seeping through him.

There are so many “hims” here.

Christopher Reeve (“Christopher Reeve” and other songs)

Cause I ain’t got no legs

or no brain

nice to meet you

hi my name is…

I forgot my name

my name was not to become what i became with this level of fame

my soul is possessed by this devil

my new name is…

Rain Man

I will never understand their beef.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (“Bagpipes From Baghdad”)

I mean I really want ya bad, you c—

Nick, you had your fun, I’ve come to kick you in your sack of junk

Man, I could use a fresh batch of blood

So prepare your vernacular for Dracula acupuncture

And this is him sober!

To retaliate, Mariah dressed in drag as Eminem to play her own stalker in her video for “Obsessed.” And then…..

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (“The Warning”)

I don’t even think I can paste any of this s— here.. Read the lyrics here. My God. The language on this young man!

Michael Jackson (“Just Lose It”)

I done touched on everything, but little boys

That’s not a stab at Michael

That’s just a metaphor, I’m just psycho

That’s not a metaphor.

Christina Aguilera and kind of Britney Spears (”The Real Slim Shady”)

Half of you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone stand me

“But Slim, what if you win, wouldn’t it be weird?”

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

and hear ’em argue over who she gave h— to first

Chris Kirkpatrick/Limp Bizkit (“Without Me”)

Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked

worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards

Hard to say which party comes across worse here.

Moby (“Without Me”)

And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie

You 36-year-old baldheaded f–, blow me

You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go

It’s over, nobody listen to techno

Oh look! You’re older than that now.

Elvis (“Without Me”)

I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley

to do black music so selfishly

and used it to get myself wealthy

(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works

Hey!! I think Elvis can handle it.

Pussycat Dolls/Nicole Scherzinger (“Medicine Ball”)

I won’t rape all the Pussycat Dolls

Nicole, you kiddin’?

Are YOU kidding????

Rihanna (“Medicine Ball”)

I’ll pee on Rihanna, see man

I’ll do what I wanna

Spray perfume in a sauna

Run Crazy Glue and Madonna

To the La-Z-Boy sofa

Fold her in two then sit on her


Madonna (“Medicine Ball”)

Imagine the visual for that, man

Who woulda thought I

Could ever be such a relentless

Prick unleashing his angers(?)

But the chick’s so old

She looks like she out-lived a life sentence

So will you one day, dude.

Kim Kardashian (“We Made You”)

Damn, I think Kim Kardashian’s a man

She stomped him just cause he asked to put his hands

On her massive Gluteus maximus again

Squeeze it, then Squish it, then pass it to her friend

Someone needs to write a rap song about Squeezeits.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson (“We Made You”)

He does not mean to lesbian offend

But Lindsay please come back to seeing men

Samantha’s a 2, You’re practically a 10

I know you want me girl,

In fact I see your grin

(Not really a dis, I guess, aside from the numbers.) She’s probably looking into a mirror!

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia di Rossi (“We Made You”)

Sorry Portia, but what’s Ellen DeGeneres

Have that I don’t, are you telling me tenderness?

Well I can be as gentle and as smooth as a gentleman

Give me my ventolin inhaler and 2 Xenadrine

You have a penis. It’s a problem!

Sarah Palin (“We Made You”)

And I’ll invite Sarah Palin out to dinner then

Nail her, ‘Baby say hello to my little friend’


Jessica Alba (“We Made You”)

Why should I wash my filthy mouth out

You think that’s bad you should hear the rest of my album

Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia

Man Cash, I don’t mean to mess up your gal but

Jessica Alba put a breast in my mouth (brrp)

Wowzers, I just made a mess of my trousers

Eminem: This generation’s Ogden Nash?


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