Donald Trump not running for president. We mourn the loss for comedians everywhere.
Might as well pack in those Trump 2012 signs you’d been working on, kids (and all those gold and yellow markers you bought to recreate his hair): The Donald has announced he
was conducting a desperate publicity stunt all along will not be running for President of the United States!
Maybe it was the fact that he already “accomplished” everything on his agenda against President Barack Obama, or that Jon Hamm and Zach Galifianakis laughed at him at the Correspondents’ Dinner, or that he really did want to give another season of The Celebrity Apprentice a go. But whatever it was that really made him change his mind, Donald Trump won’t be visiting the small towns of Iowa and New Hampshire any time soon.
And while I’m willing to venture this news brings nothing but happiness to the citizens of America, the comedy world is likely frowning. After all, Trump can create a punchline just based on one of his glares (see above). If the Donald had decided to follow through and run for President, the humor would have written itself. Just imagine how unbelievably amusing his ad campaigns would have been:
“This Presidency is gonna be HUGE!”
“I’m gonna get rid of terrorists faster than Head and Shoulders gets rid of dandruff from my Trump-brand scalp. Vote The Donald: 2012!”
“You’re fired, everyone that’s not America!”
Better yet, imagine what his cabinet would have looked like. There’s no question Gary Busey would have been in there somewhere (Vice President, perhaps?), and so would a couple other Apprentice all-stars like Rod Blagojevich (he has a history in politics…history being the operative word) and Bret Michaels (who would have to work for Department of Defense, seeing as nothing can take that guy down). And lest we forget, Brick Tamland, who did some really wonderful things for the Bush administration.
What campaign slogans and cabinet members for the Donald Trump presidential run would you have liked to seen, PopWatchers?