If you think about it for a second, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck are sort of like the Odin and Thor of the Fox News pantheon. Like the one-eyed god-patriarch, Bill O’Reilly has grown out of his war-mongering hot-blooded youth, becoming more moderate and more willing to pursue diplomacy with the soulless red-eyed Frost Giants of the American Left. Beck, meanwhile, has become the network’s Chris Hemsworth: Younger, impetuous, dashingly handsome, and prone to full-scale assaults. So it was a matter of life imitating art when Glenn Beck appeared on Papa O’Reilly’s show on Friday to receive a light tongue-lashing. Some context: Beck had spent several minutes of his radio show vomiting over Meghan McCain’s skin cancer PSA, in which the senator’s daughter appears apparently naked. O’Reilly, for his part, thought Beck had gone too far: “If I was Cindy McCain, I’d slap the hell out of you.”

Beck didn’t really apologize, first noting that his vomit bit “doesn’t work on television, it works on radio,” because everyone knows that no one has ever made a successful vomit joke on television. Then he compared the uproar over Vomitgate to the uproar over Commongate, which is still a thing apparently. At this point, the O’Reilly/Beck face-off devolved into lovey-dovey backslapping, with O’Reilly swearing, “You are genuinely a nice guy. You’re a much nicer guy than I am!”

But let’s imagine instead that O’Reilly took this opportunity to sit up from his golden throne and scream at his young apprentice, “You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy!” To which Beck would scream back, “And you are an old man, and a fool!” O’Reilly would furrow his brow, shed a tear from his one remaining eye, and cast Beck out of the glorious golden Fox News kingdom until he has proven his worth. (And then O’Reilly would give his throne to Loki, who for the sake of this metaphor will be Shepard Smith.) Check out the video of what actually happened below…

Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

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