Gems: Not just the name of a Michael Bolton album! Studies have shown that Hidden Gems of the Week,’s collection of reader-submitted ridiculata, is the best way to enjoy Dancing With the Stars without ever having to turn it on. It’s a visual feast of sparkles, fringe, and Maks’ ass. Double dose of jewels this week — next week, I’ll be on a trip to outer space (Planet Mirrorballus itself) and might not get to spend five hours heavily petting my screengrabber.

Sure, they may not all be *hidden,* but as’s Senior Supervising Appraiser, I can happily confirm they’re all priceless. Ready to go down the rabbit hole? Behold this bountiful smattering of Visible Gems!


“My favorite gem was the camera guy at the end of Chelsea and Mark’s dance running off to have an Activia moment.” —Melissa, endorsed by Klynn, JessicaH, Jem Ho, Lady Viola, JHA, orville, Call me Daphne, Dee, Aprilmt, Portia, naynay, Karikata, ice castle, Courtney, Karen, Susan, DebraD, Hubby Ben, First Son Matt, Michele, MC, Kevin M. Kawa, Jen P., Patrycja, Christine, CJ

“Maks spanking Kirstie’s hips to the beat of the music? I have never wanted to be Kirstie Alley before…strange!” —Helenann, endorsed by gigi, Call me Daphne, daisy, kt, Jem Ho

“When Chelsea and Mark were having their “heart to heart”, she was strategically placed next to a picture of last season’s “Disney Kid” Kyle Massey (FYI – Kyle and Chelsea are co-stars on Fish Hooks)” —Kelly W.

“Bruno twirling his hands during Chelsea’s and Mark’s waltz. He was really feeling the music.” —Karikata, endorsed by SocialAndrea, Iris

“The strange orange glow during Chelsea and Mark’s dance was almost like watching them through a cup of orange Jell-O.” —pancake

“Speaking of Jell-O…anyone remember this?” —’s Fringe Fairy

“I love how Mark is keeping his one hand firmly in his pocket as he walked away!” —Jo, endorsed by Lorie

“Colonel Sanders in the second row when Tom was introducing Hines and Kym. DWTS…finger lickin’ good!” —Kelly, endorsed by CJ,’s Fried Fairy

“The black tape didn’t quite cover the mini Jordan on Hines’ shirt. You can see a little leg struggling to break free.” —gigi

“Cheryl’s O-face in the picture background of Hines’ practice room” —SocialAndrea

“LOL at Kym and Hines’s utterly confused faces when Carrie Ann said that Hines was “a man’s man”” —Cindy, endorsed by Madd (“‘I need to show her I’m not just a man…but a MAN’S man.” -Tobias Funke, Analrapist”)

“Kym’s dress and chest remind me of the Wrath of Khan!” —Helenann, endorsed by ugh

“My fiancé is a new hidden gem hunter – he wants you all to know that Len’s cufflinks also match his tie and pocket square!” —SocialAndrea, endorsed by Helanann (“Keepers!”) and JessicaH (“Marry. Him. Now.”)

“There is a lady behind the judges table who looks like Bruce Villanch with flat ironed hair.” —JessicaH, endorsed by Helenann, mel

“I thought she/he looked like Martha Stewart…” —daisy

“I was thinking Crispin Glover, playing Andy Warhol, in the movie The Doors.” —kkc, endorsed by Madd

“I was getting a little Mrs. McClusky from Desperate Housewives vibe.” —Jem Ho

“Kirstie and Ralph on the couch looked like Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra back in the day….” –JessicaH, endorsed by gigi, SocialAndrea, ugh

“Commercial hidden gem! (do those count?) There was a mirrorball hanging from the ceiling during the Weight Watchers commercial that aired immediately after Hines’ dance!! Those suckers just never go away, do they?” —Lucy

“After Brooke talks to Chelsea and Mark in the instant dance practice space, they go back to Tom and I swear Gumby is behind him over his left shoulder a few rows up.” —Corky

“Girl waving “HI MOM” while Tom introduced Chelsie and Romeo! This ain’t the Today show, sweetie!” —Amy in Pittsburgh

“The front row behind Tom while he intro’d Romeo looked like Buddy Hackett’s brothers” —Jill

“First gem nomination ever! When Tom made the tequila joke, Carrie Ann and Len were clapping in the background. Brrruno, however, was not having it (which is strange, because if any judge enjoyed a nice glass of tequila after the show, I would have definitely thought it was Bruno)” —hannah, endorsed by orville

“When he rushed to start clapping, the look on his face was priceless – like he’d been caught with his pants down (which, for Bruno, is likely a weekly occurrence!)” —tlazareth, endorsed by Dee, glenn, Michele, Crabby Abby

“The rehearsing dancers look like Sims!!!!!” —Liz, endorsed by orville

“Planet Mirrorballus pool party!” —’s Fringe Fairy

“The radiologist doing Ralph’s MRI looked a lot like District Attorney Devalos from Medium” —Dawson, endorsed by’s Fringe Fairy

“Ralph’s pose at the end of his first dance reminded me of the Vigo portrait from Ghostbusters 2!!” —Liz, endorsed by Helenann, gigi, CleverShrew, Karikata, Dee

“Raplh’s chiffon ‘turtleneck’ was sloppily cut at the top, right under his chin….maybe they only had 9 minutes to make his outfit.” —DebraD, endorsed by chicachico, Jen P.

“Ralph is seriously giving me Dieter vibes. Cuz now’s the time on Sprockets–nay,on Mirrorballus–when we dance!” —kt, endorsed by Amy in Pittsburgh, SocialAndrea

“Ralph looks like the Kardashians’ mom.” —Madd, endorsed by Amy in Pittsburgh

“Edward Scissorhands. Must have been the guyliner and wild hair.” —Lola, endorsed by Kristie D

“Just looking at Ralph’s guyliner is killing me…he’s got that ‘ahhhhooogggaaaa’ look like he can’t blink…at all.” —Jo, endorsed by Helenann, duranmom, gigi, Jem Ho, orville

“Richard Marx.” —Marimbist, endorsed by SocialAndrea

“Ralph Macchio with guyliner & spray tan = Victoria Beckham” —April_J

“I thought he kinda looked like Joan Jett.” —Christine

“David Copperfield. He looked very hot!” —Sparkle Girl

(Bottom right:) “Lady in pink is overcome with emotion at Bruno’s “overacting” and “injured leg demo!” —mccliza

“The beams of light (seemingly) shooting in and out of the back of Brooke’s head while she was interviewing Ralph and Karina. Which, by the way, perfectly matched her dress!” —Lady Viola

“Karina’s look reminds me of Angelina Jolie during her “makeout-with-my-brother” stage” —Helenann, endorsed by Amy in Pittsburgh

“When Kirstie and Maks were practicing in front of the yellow wall, Maks was sitting in the chair and Kirstie was standing as if both were posing for Calvin Klein ads.” —Marshal

“At the beginning of Kirstie and Maks’ dance, the lights & smoke made a sort of heart shape. The Deadly Smoke Machine loves Maks just like me!” —Jem Ho

“The return, in Maks and Kirstie’s Argentine Tango, of the lace screens that he used last season with Brandy.” —Stephanie

During that sexy dip/pose in Maks & Kirstie’s Argentine Tango, two audience members were so enthralled they had to stand out of their seats to get a better look. —Stephanie M.

“Kristin Chenoweth in the audience – a hidden gem b/c she’s so damn tiny and was tucked in between the other celebs in Kirstie’s posse” —Leah, endorsed by duranmom, jmm, Jem Ho (“Flanked by Kirstie’s Veronica’s Closet co-stars… Kathy Najimy and Dan Cortese”), Amy in Pittsburgh, kt, Lorie, Chaz, Colleen, Justin K

“In the interview room after the Argentine tango, Maks wiped his eyebrow sweat off with his fingers and actually had to flick it off (!!!) in Brooke’s direction” —jen

“Kyle Massey auditioning for Abraham Lincoln: Instant Dance Hunter.” —gigi, endorsed by SocialAndrea, kt

“Chelsea’s earrings are made out of the same fabric as her shirt and her headband. Because, why not?” —GemSighting, endorsed by duranmom, Kelly, Amy in Pittsburgh

“LOL, Len’s “What the hell are you saying, Carrie Ann!?” face. And he invaded Bruno’s space for once!” —Electronic Neko, endorsed by Lorie

Bonus zoom-in of this extraordinary Len Lean!!!! —FF

“Kym has a little Barbara Eden look to her…she even keeps her belly button covered.” —gigi, endorsed by Helenann, chicachico (“especially with the little head-bobs that look like she’s doing her magic with her ponytail!”), Jem Ho, Dee

“Loved Hines’ huge smile during the jive. He looked like he would burst into sparkles and fringe at any moment.” —Jen P.

“My God, did Maks just adjust himself on camera?” Helenann, endorsed by Kelly (“Hunting gems, no doubt”) and daisy (“Um, Maks, can I get that for you?”), Nathan B, Helenann, Michele

“After Romeo’s scores, the way Casey Abrams was hunched over made it look like his hands were just growing straight out of his knees. He just looked odd. (Or odd-er.)” —Jem Ho

“Mark could not be more disinterested in cheering for Karina and Ralph. He’s more interesting in sharing proper nail care with his partner!” —Kate, endorsed by Marimbist, JHA, CleverShrew, DebraD, Kanerbaby, Lorie

“What yucky thing fell from Mark’s face into his hands? It made him stop clapping for a moment. I wish it were his ego, but that would have helped him to continue with his acknowledgment of someone else, so it was likely a wayward sparkly thing from his nose instead (only on Planet Mirrorballus).” —Care

“I think Mark was showing Chelsea that he injured his hands from patting himself on the back so much for being so awesome.” —Jem Ho

“Right after Ralph’s instant dance, Nick Jonas was doing a decidedly unenthusiastic golf clap.” —tara, endorsed by Irishgirl, duranmom, jmm, Jem Ho, kkc, Charnice, ice castle, Justin K, Lola

“What is this, talent wannabe night in the audience? First Casey, then a Jonas brother? Are they so desperate for attention that they have to storm our favorite Planet Mirrorballus?” —Lady Pirate

“Mama Brady is rocking a gold jacket, black pant combo. Could this be her hidden-gem way of endorsing Pittsburgh Steeler Hines Ward?” —Lola, endorsed by Madd, JessicaH, Colleen

“Mrs. Brady giving the sorry pat to Karina and Ralph…” —daisy

“Flo’s look of longing when she patted Ralph’s shoulder” —Madd

“Maks is totally holding Kirstie’s hand like a guy holds his girlfriend’s hands.” —Kelly


“When Kirstie and Maks were shimmying, Maks totally pulled back his shirt and flashed one of his pecs at the judges.” —kt, endorsed by duranmom, SocialAndrea, Jem Ho (“I just wish he had been facing the camera!”), Colleen, Justin K, Dee, GemPuppy, DWTS’ BIGGEST FAN

Thank you, DANCMSTRs one and all, for a fabulous heap of gems!

Remember to look for me next week!

And don’t miss a special tequila-drenched episode of “The Host’s Leaderboard,” my weekly chat with Tom. We’re so wasted!

Press the “play” triangle to hear my imaginary friend in all his alternate-universe glory!


Fringe Fairy

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