Letterman Tiger Woods
Credit: CBS

To nobody’s surprise, every talk show that aired Monday night kept returning to the same topic: Beardpocalypse. Oh, and also the death of Osama bin Laden. That momentous event dominated David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, and Jimmy Fallon’s monologues; the bulk of Letterman’s show was also dedicated to a lengthy interview with NBC newsman/stealth comedian Brian Williams, who discussed bin Laden’s killing with the host. Additionally, Letterman used his Top Ten list to imagine what the world’s most famous terrorist’s last words may have been. Here’s the list in full:

10. “My horoscope says big surprises are in store.”

9. “See, this is why I normally don’t answer the door.”

8. “The one time I give my bodyguards a day off to go to the zoo…”

7. “What on Earth could be interrupting Celebrity Apprentice?”

6. “I hear Brian Williams is on Dave to discuss my imminent demise.”

5. “At least I’ll be reunited with my dear, departed friend Jack LaLanne.” (Letterman, in an aside: “Did you know they knew each other?”)

4. “I’m not sure I want to live in a world where Fast Five is the #1 movie.”

3. “Any man with multiple wives welcomes death. Am I right, fellas?”

2. “I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head.”

1. “Oh, crap!”

Predictably, Conan and Fallon targeted Donald Trump and his reality show’s preemption as well. The former brought up the fact that President Obama’s speech interrupted last night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice, then quipped. “Which begs the question, how do we kill bin Laden again next Sunday?” Fallon was no kinder to his network-mate; at the beginning of Late Night, the host appeared as Trump, giving a somber address in a space that looked a lot like the White House’s East Room. “To me, the message is clear,” said Fallon’s Trump: “President Obama is so scared of me and so desperate for attention that he felt the need to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden right in the middle of my show. Classic Obama move.”

Which host do you think handled this enormous story best, PopWatchers? And whose remarks do you think are the funniest?