Credit: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Don’t worry, folks, it’s almost at an end. After months of intensive hat speculation, commemorative plate production, cake experts, lip readers, total bludgeoning of the word “fairy-tale,” and Anglophilia bordering on Anglomania, we only have a few more days of stray headlines like “William and Kate’s Honeymoon Suite: Is There an Ice Machine?” and “What Dress Would Have Kate Worn in a Parallel Universe?” before we’re finally rid of this whole royally over-reported dealio.

I’ll admit, as an American male I have absolutely no idea what draws people to wake up at 4 a.m. to watch a rich guy and the girl he likes tie the knot. I mean, what did George Washington and Mel Gibson fight for if Americans are just going to end up fawning over the British monarchy and hand out a bunch of Oscars to The King’s Speech? The ceremony itself was lavish and pretty and occasionally sweet, but mostly twee and long. Even the people at the wedding were getting a little bored. Admittedly, the presence of a horse-drawn carriage and the two evil stepsisters from Cinderella did hint at those fairy-tale aspects everyone on morning television kept talking about, but it didn’t feel as once-in-a-lifetime as once every 20 minutes on Main Street, U.S.A.

Still, it wasn’t really the pomp so much as the circumstances, specifically the fact that every news source in the country (including this one) was pumping out approximately 14 royal wedding stories for each piece of actual news. But now that there’s no more reason to gossip about what kind of underarm deodorant Kate will be using, everyone will thankfully be going back to their regularly scheduled programming. So here’s my question to you: Are you, like me, ecstatic that we’re almost free of the unrelenting and icy grip of nuptial coverage? And is anyone terrified that Prince Harry could surprise us any second by announcing his engagement?

Hell to the No!
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