April 29, 2011 at 04:00 AM EDT

Watch Burrell’s delightfully goofy dad Phil Dunphy try to play bad cop in the May 11 episode of ABC’s Modern Family. But first see how the 43-year-old actor handles our quiz.

1. Which of these costars has the most dirt on you?

A. Sofia Vergara

B. Eric Stonestreet

C. Julie Bowen

D. Nolan Gould
We share a trailer — they’re two halves of one trailer, and the wall is about an eighth of an inch thick — and Julie’s constantly making fun of me because I am always talking to myself and practicing pratfalls in what I think is the privacy of my trailer.

2. Last time you used a coupon:
Two weeks ago. I’m in the Starbucks Reward Program, so I’m constantly getting a free piece of coffee cake. I get some pretty funny looks, like ”What a cheap bastard.” But I love coupons, so what are you gonna do?

3. If you could have any catch-phrase, what would it be?
”Fear the oven mitt!”

4. Secret phobia?
Spiders in my snow boots. A week ago in Utah, as I was putting my feet in my snow boots, my wife was like, ”I hope there aren’t spiders in there…” That was not cool.

5. Most embarrassing program on your DVR?
I recorded the BBC series Lark Rise to Candleford, a period costume drama. My babysitter actually stopped the recording of one of them, and said she was doing me a favor, for my masculinity. She was like, ”You can’t be watching women gossiping over embroidery.”

6. Pick the quintessential TV sitcom dad:
A. Cliff Huxtable

B. Ward Cleaver

C. Mike Brady

D. Homer Simpson
Bill Cosby is one of the greatest comedic actors of all time. I’ve never seen him force anything. Contrary to Phil, Cliff was sort of a disciplinarian, but he did it in this hilarious, really loving way that only Bill Cosby could do.

7. If you had to spend $1 million frivolously…
I’d build a cheese cave — wouldn’t that be awesome? If we’ve got a million dollars, I’m going to have a lot left over, so I think I could also buy some sheep, goats, and cows, and have the milk on hand — no pun intended — and make the cheese and put it into my brand-new cheese cave.

8. The tabloid scandal that you would prefer to get taken down by:
Bar Fight

Ponzi Scheme

[X] Burglary Ring

As long as it’s as cool as Ocean’s Eleven, whether it’s the original or the remake. I would just like to be a part of a group of incredibly good-looking people who include me…even if I’m the guy who’s the butt of their jokes.

9. If you could have anything named after you, it would be…
My clone.

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