Perhaps it was the insanely enthusiastic ’80s font, or my desire to transform from a five-year-old into a fabulous rock star who sings horrible music, but as a child, there was nothing better than Jem and the Holograms. The 1980s cartoon — revolving around a woman named Jerrica who was a businesswoman by day and a rock goddess named Jem by night, thanks to a pair of high-tech earrings (she went to Jared!) — was Hannah Montana for the children of the ’80s, except with terrible hair and without the tween-driven mega-exposure that led to monstrosities like “Party in the U.S.A.” Instead, Jem led to monstrosities like “Come On In,” “Love Is Here,” and “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme” (The Misfits, the Holograms’ rival band, had you beat, Britney!) — all of which I had on a cassette tape that I still own. To me, Jem had everything: Holograms (the root of why I love CNN), an overpowering pink hue, and a marketable premise that produced a line of dolls, many of which could be easily confused with a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race. (Exhibit A: This was the one I owned.)
So imagine my pure and utter joy discovering that The Hub TV would be adding old episodes of Jem to its lineup, starting May 31. (A sneak peek of six episodes will air May 28; check out the network’s website to track down your local channel.) With the exception of My Little Pony, there is no other ’80s program I’d most like to revisit and quickly devour. Will it be as awe-inspiring as I remember? No. Will it stand the test of time? Definitely not. But will it make me feel five years old again? Absolutely. I might just swallow the episodes with a Friendly’s Peanut Butter Cup Sundae while styling my hair with a handful of Dep.
How pumped are you, PopWatchers? And what’s your favorite Jem memory? I can still recall the Jem book I owned, in which Jerrica’s jealous younger sister Kimber poured paint all over the Holograms’ sparkly costumes, but Jem made them work anyway. Tim Gunn would be so proud. Also: Who else is fully prepared to be confused by the fact that Jerrica doesn’t seem to care that her boyfriend, Rio, cheats on her with Jem? They’re the same person! How is Jerrica not upset by this?! #NostalgicPetPeeve
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