Credit: Helen Sloan/HBO

Remember how, when Lost was on, you used to get into a profound debate with your friends about whether Jack or Locke or Sawyer was cooler? Well, you were all wrong, because Desmond is the coolest. But you know what I mean: It’s fun arguing about our favorite TV series, especially epic shows with sprawling casts and exciting action and themes. However, when arguing about TV, it’s best to remember the golden rule: Violence is never the answer. Michael Podniestrzanski forgot that fundamental rule of engagement on Sunday: According to The Smoking Gun, the Florida native was watching the second episode of Game of Thrones with his cousin, Joshua Ross.

According to the Sheriff’s report, the two men “began to talk about who was going to win.” It’s unclear what exactly in the episode this refers to — Cat’s blade-grabbing encounter with the assassin? Li’l Drunk Joffrey’s fight with Arya? A more existential definition of the term “win”? — but whatever they were arguing about, it quickly turned violent.

Ross sustained only a minor cut on his shoulder, and will not press charges. You laugh, but this is actually exactly what happens whenever Annie Barrett and I watch Treme. Now excuse me, I have to go put Neosporin on a minor cut on my shoulder.

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