Drita Mob Wives
Credit: VH1

Last night’s premiere of Mob Wives—which chronicles the rapidly shifting moods of four scary women with intimate ties to the mafia—was kind of a guilty hoot. (Ken Tucker agrees!) Will I watch again? Oh, probably not. But that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful to these rough-edged, heavily eye-lined ladies for a helluva night. Here are five reasons we’ll always have Staten Island.

1) Mob Wife Karen Gravano, daughter of turncoat Sammy the Bull, made her 11-year-old Karina pinky swear to be her BFF. Without blinking a false eyelash, Karen then announced “Not only am I mom to Karina but I’m a house mom at a strip club.” Cut to her monthly book club dancing around the poolside strip pole and chugging from a cheap bottle of booze.

2) Drita the Albanian gets a call from her husband, in jail for bank robbery, and is sent on a goose chase for Vanilla Coke. (Anyone else distracted throughout the hour thinking the ringing phone was actually coming from your house?)

3) Drita is married to Karen’s ex boyfriend Lee. “You probably remember that painting,” Drita said, pointing at the picture above her sofa. “Yeah bitch,” said Karen, “I do know that picture because it was sitting on my bedroom wall when I used to ride your husband.” Zing! Then the two got spray tanned in Drita’s living room.

4) Renee, the craziest of the lot, went on a fur coat shopping montage. Definitely go with the red. Matches your eyes!

5) Karen and Renee, loaded on Patron shots, fight outside a club whose noxious fumes penetrated the TV screen.

Karen: “Tell me you want me to leave!”

Renee: “Are you testing me?”

Karen: “If you have a problem then tell me to leave.”

Renee: “Leave.”

Karen: “No.”

Renee: “I don’t leave anywhere and I never f*!%ing will.”

To stayers! Anybody else watch Mob Wives? Are you hooked or nauseated—or a troubling combination of the two?