Credit: Jason Laveris/

Oscar and Emmy-nominated writer-director Morgan Spurlock is clearly going all out to promote his new documentary on the wonders of product placement, Pom Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (in theaters April 22). So in the interest of salesmanship, EW asked Spurlock to pen a guest column in this week’s issue offering tips to aspiring auteurs looking to break into Hollywood. Click through for a preview.

RULE NUMBER ONE Cook up that idea to its tasty end. Make sure you thought through the entire project; broke out characters, scenes, and key moments; and can answer any questions they throw at you. Have a friend play the always-questioning investor/executive to help hone your pitch.

RULE NUMBER TWO Be prepared to meet always-questioning, confused investors/executives. Wake-up Call No. 37: Many times folks with lots of loot, power, and influence aren’t the most creative people. So help them get inside that warped Cronenberg-esque mass you call your brain. Put together storyboards, have drawings, play music, do a puppet show, anything. Well, maybe not a puppet show.

RULE NUMBER THREE Be tenacious. In order to get the meeting, you need to hit up everyone you know and even more people you don’t. One of my first pitch meetings came through the friend of a friend of a girl he knew who babysat an investor’s kids. You know a guy who knows a guy who washed the car of the head of development at Paramount. Call that guy.

For more of Spurlock’s 8-step plan to pitch perfection — including what to do when a Hollywood bigwig says your idea sucks — pick up the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, on stands now.