Hit List: April 1, 2011

1. Mad Men‘s fifth season delayed by financial wrangling
It shouldn’t greatly affect story lines, though Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce will now take clients out for .3-martini lunches.

2. Whoopi Goldberg admits in 1992 video that she smoked pot before Oscar win
Scientists are now trying to figure out what she was on when she agreed to do Theodore Rex.

3. Rebecca Black to record follow-up to ”Friday”
Said Monday: ”Who, me? Oh, gee, Rebecca, I wish I could, but the Bangles and New Order already claimed me. Maybe try Thursday?”

4. Michael Lohan may wind up in front of same judge as Lindsay, TMZ reports
If Dina gets arrested, L.A. Superior Court has agreed to make them eligible for a try-one-get-two-off-free promotion.

5. Jewel’s dad to star on Discovery survivalist reality series Mountain Men of Alaska
The singer is reportedly working on the show’s theme song, tentatively titled ”Who Will Save Your Sockeye Salmon?”

6. Wife of Jackass star Chris Pontius files for divorce, citing ”irreconcilable differences”
That’s legalese for ”annoying tendency to consume horse semen and parade around in a pouch thong.”

7. PBS to release six-DVD edition of Ken Burns’ The Civil War
Critics are praising it as a ”historical tour de force,” while Ms. Johnson’s sixth-grade class calls it ”the ultimate war on consciousness.”

8. William Shatner turns 80
Set phasers to stunned.

9. Diary of a Wimpy Kid sequel upsets Sucker Punch at box office
”Suck it, Sucker Punch!” shouted the Wimpy Kid…before running off to hide under the bleachers.

10. Vin Diesel receives CinemaCon Action Star of the Year award
Also, Nia Vardalos given Breakthrough Female Actress, and 2002 receives The Current Year Is award.