By Breia Brissey
Updated March 25, 2011 at 05:06 AM EDT
30 Rock
Credit: Ali Goldstein/NBC

Last night’s episode of 30 Rock hit a little too close to home. I, like Liz, am a writer. And last night’s episode just confirmed that I’ll never be able to jet set around the world in economy plus.

You see, while Tracy was still gone saving lives in Africa (AKA hiding out in New York), the network was putting TGS on a forced hiatus. Because you can’t have TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan. It’s an oxymoron, like liberal government, female scientists, and well-paid journalists.

The lovely Elizabeth Lemon was forced to tell everyone about the hiatus, which she was confident was only temporary. But everyone (except Liz) knew that a forced hiatus meant only one thing — canceled. So the cast and crew of TGS put into action their backup plans. Frank R. would pursue his standup career. Pete would substitute teach. Jenna would sell Jenna Babies on QVC. Sue would go back to her police psychic show. Toofer would take his Harvard degree earned from his”concentration” to do a whole bunch of things no one cares about. And Kenneth, naturally, was planning bird Internet probably in honor of his now-deceased pet, Sonny Crockett. (Not to be confused with Don Johnson.)

Sadly, Liz was the only one without a plan B because there have been a lot of The Amazing Races on since she got her job, and she had to watch them all, and comment on the message boards. (Duh! All the cool kids comment on TV recaps.) Plus, her parents let her major in theater tech with a minor in movement. Probably not the best career move. So in an effort to figure out her life, she brought back her agent, Simon. He was able to get her a meeting with The Sing Off‘s Nick Lachey. While there Lemon ran into…wait for it…Aaron Sorkin. (Like my colleague Lynette Rice predicted, “Sorkin’s appearance featured lots of artful yammering and long, continuous shots through the TGS halls.”) Sorkin was also there to meet with Lachey, and to (rapidly) explain to Liz that the craft of writing is “dying while people are playing Angry Birds and poking each other on Facebook.” Just around the time Lemon was about to give up completely, (guys, she wasn’t even hungry!) she discovered what we’ve known all along. Tracy is not really in Africa! Turns out, Lemon won’t need to become the world’s worst hooker after all! Also, she won’t have to go work for a magazine. (Man, Liz. The knife is already in. Quit twisting it!)

Meanwhile, Jack was working on his newest network acquisition TWINKS. The poorly named network was focused on the gay crowed. (Jack took some notes after chatting up D’Fwan in last week’s episode.) Unfortunately, the “fellows who like fellows” network was losing money for Kabletown, and Hank Hooper didn’t like it. In an effort to make the new network more successful, Jack took a risk by hiring his old nemesis Devon Banks (Will Arnett). And after an argument based on the lyrics of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” Banks agreed to work for Jack. Banks arrived at the next day’s business meeting fashionably late and with his “sexiest” (eww) baby in tow. This, of course, only made Hank Hooper like him more and offer him a better job as the company’s face in Europe. Jack, I think that’s what you would call a plan B(ackfired). Ohhh, snap! In the end, Banks couldn’t leave his “gaybies” and turned down Hank’s offer. And Jack will probably sleep peacefully tonight.

Other “Plan B” highlights:

++ Lemon asking if Jack knew why the vending machine was broken. “I know. I broke it. I needed to speak with you, and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here.”

++ “Is it TNT? Are Rizzoli and Isles friends in real life?!” –Lemon

++ Jack thinking “baby” was an acronym for “Black Asian Bisexual Youths”

++ The list of things Hank Hooper likes: Fishing, marches by John Philip Sousa, and telephones that look like footballs

++ “That would be like me hiring the mouse that keeps pooping in my slippers.” –Lemon on Jack hiring Devon

++ What do you think of this TV idea? “A girl television writer trying to have it all in the city. Also, she’s a vampire…I guess?” –Lemon

++ “I thought we understood that you are never to think that I understand anything!” –Lemon to Jack

++ “Listen lady, a gender I write extremely well if the story calls for it. This is serious!” –Aaron Sorkin

++ Everything else Aaron Sorkin said

++ Kenneth saying that fans sent in douchebags to save Entourage

++ Kenneth mailing sugar cubes (AKA faux anthrax) to Hank Hooper to save TGS only to be caught by Sue, the police psychic

++ The travel agent, American auto worker, and dynamite saxophone player who live under the subway with the CEO of Friendster

What did you think of last night’s episode? Did you love it like I did? And more importantly, will you comment so I feel like my job is somewhat important? My parents let me major in journalism, so my plan B is moving back to Oklahoma to live with them. So yeah, I need to know that the people of the sidewalk haven’t given up on the written word. And if you don’t comment? Well, click click click! I just put you in your place in African!

Episode Recaps

30 Rock

30 Rock

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan star in the Emmy-winning comedy. You want to go to there.

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