Hot In Cleveland
Credit: TV Land
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The finale of the second season of TV Land’s Hot in Cleveland once again ended in a cliffhanger, with Elka in serious trouble with the law, but we had a lot of fun getting to that point. Last night’s legal-themed episode began with a Law & Order-type voiceover: “In a situation comedy, there are two separate but equally important stories. The A story, which is about the comic of characters. And the B story, which is the same thing, but shorter. These are those stories.” So much was packed into this half hour that it’s hard to say what was the A and what was the B. (For an old school sitcom, all this sub-plot talk is awfully Community, right?)

Elka finds herself in court again, represented by the sexy Kirk Stark. Elka expects an easy trial with female jurors and the judge (again played by Sherri Shepherd!) going gaga over Kirk. But when Kirk gets a nasty facial injury (I thought women liked scars?), Elka has to use her own feminine wiles, which she has in spades, to seduce the adorably feeble Juror No. 8. Highlight of the episode: Elka tapping into the seductive powers of a butterscotch candy. It doesn’t quite work, though, and Elka finds herself on the run … in Amish country, no less!

In non-Betty-related news, Hottie Melanie (Valerie Bertinelli) has more guy trouble. Victoria (Wendie Malick) is still trying her hat as a serious journalist and nabs a hilarious interview with the fame-obsessed governor’s wife Heather, played by Amy Sedaris, whose every line is instantly quotable (see below). Joy (Jane Leeves) finds herself in a political scandal with said governor–did she sleep with him or was she only plucking his industrial-strength eyebrows?

Hot in Cleveland is never short on the genius one-liners. Here are some of my favorites from the finale below, but I’m sure I didn’t catch all of them. Leave your favorite quotes in the comments!

“Sit your lying, hideous face down!” – The judge, to Kirk, post softball injury

“I have had the feeling that someone was mentally undressing me, but for me that’s not unusual.” – Elka, about Juror No. 8’s leering gaze

“Girls like you don’t speed, dear. But girls like me don’t know anything else.” Elka to Melanie, talking either about speeding tickets or their love lives.

“Now that woman knows woman knows marketing. Fat chance of getting my teenage daughter on Dancing with the Stars.”–Heather on Sarah Palin

“We’re not getting within 50 miles [of Washington, D.C.] with these dandruff-catchers on his forehead.” – Heather to Joy on her husband’s unibrow

“You call this obese? This is husky at best. Now you get me a fatter kid or smaller shirt, NOW!” Heather, after her assistant presents her a possible poster boy for her cause of the moment, childhood obesity

“Justice has been serviced.” – Elka after emerging from the broom closet with Juror No. 8. I get that the exploitation of an 88-year-old’s sexuality is a highlight of this show, but EWWWWWWW!

“The defendant will remain free on bail until sentencing. And defense counsel will be responsible for all ancillary court costs, including but not limited to the $800 the court spent on this damn weave!” – The judge issuing the ruling on Elka’s case … and getting in one last snipe at Kirk

“Say what you will about our country, but we do not deport our celebrities. Now, at worst, we exile them to reality shows.” – Victoria giving Joy some advice about how to handle public scandal

Hot in Cleveland
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