March 17, 2011 at 01:47 PM EDT
Larry Busacca/Getty Images

Oh, the irony. Steve Martin was arrested for stealing a ham, and David Letterman, the man who has given away free canned hams for years, had the damning surveillance video on last night’s show. Of course, Martin denied the Internet rumors that he’d been nabbed for hamnapping, but there was no denying the weighty blinking anklet accenting his stylish striped sock. “This is the latest kind of celebrity thing that a lot of celebrities wear,” Martin insisted. “I’m going to return it to the jewelry shop — my publicist forgot to return it.”

The supermarket footage was grainy, but a man who seemed to resemble Martin clearly left with a ham stuffed down his pants. What isn’t clear from the footage, and I point this out pro bono in Martin’s defense, is whether he legally purchased the ham. For all we know, he paid the cashier, just like a good, honest comic does, and then he stuffed the ham down his pants. Walking out of a store with meat stuffed in your pants, as we all know, is not in itself a crime. You be the judge and jury.

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