I hate myself for MANY reasons; feeling sorry for a mean bully because of his eyes just happens to be today’s greatest. Here’s Survivor villain and ex-con Richard Hatch, who shoved David Cassidy literally off the show on last night’s premiere of The Celebrity Apprentice. The CW’s Katie Cassidy (David’s daughter — who knew?!), showed up at the pizzeria and everything. How awful. This would never fly at Melrose Place, on Gossip Girl, or in Sweden.

The sad eye phenomenon has always bugged me about Richard. He is so vile and yet his eyes are so sad and so light blue that they almost seem… considerate? Like if you just gave his eyes a hug, maybe — maybe! — he would stop being awful. But I don’t want to hug him either. I hate this. I just wish he didn’t have these eyes.

Does Richard Hatch practice his sad eyes in the mirror? If you had no idea who this man was, would you consider smiling at him? Maybe just a smirk? I don’t know. This will definitely be my most insane post of the week.

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Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett