Charlie Sheen cut out the media middleman and took his rantings and ramblings live on the internet Saturday night. And guess what? He’s no Howard Stern. The actor’s live webcam broadcast, which he called “Sheen’s Korner” and began at 10:02 EST, was a sloppy, self-indulgent bit of cringe theater that felt more like cable-access snoozefest than a cogent broadcast. As the clock ticked down to Sheen’s arrival, a live ticker of the number of viewers who’d already tuned in hit 50,000 then 60,000 finally climbing to well over 100,000. Then, at 10:02, Sheen walked into the frame wearing a black pork pie hat and a black t-shirt with a green $ sign on it. With him was a posse of chuckleheads and enablers, including one of his goddesses — the non-porn star one, Natty Kenly.

As Sheen took a seat behind the desk of what appeared to be the office of his Sherman Oaks home, he lit a cigarette and began to riff on whatever popped into his warlock brain. It was painfully unfunny, completely boring, and not even fun in a trainwreck sort of way. I never thought I’d say this, but I would’ve rather been watching an episode of Two and a Half Men.

Sheen took swipes at Dr. Drew Pinsky, gave props to Sean Penn, quoted Wall Street, and showed photos of cats beating up dogs. I lost count of how many times he said “winning” — the tired catchphrase that he also revealed that he’d just had tattooed onto the inside of his left wrist. The worst part is that Sheen told viewers that this would be the first broadcast of many. The big question is, who will keep tuning in? After all, as “Sheen’s Korner” passed the 10 minute mark, the number of viewers started going down. Perhaps fittingly, that’s when he started reading some poetry before signing off, mercifully, at 10:52.