By Kate Ward
March 01, 2011 at 11:50 PM EST
Island County Sheriff's Office/AP Images

Wow. Based on Rob Pattinson’s April Annie Leibovitz-shot Vanity Fair cover (on stands March 3), I’d say Lacoste is getting really aggressive with brand recognition in their latest collection. No, I keed. The alligator draped around Pattinson’s neck appears to be there to represent how hard it is to break away from teen-targeted entertainment’s choke-hold, a Hollywood trap that is only made more difficult to escape by the unflinching reptilian claws of 15-year-old fan girls in need of more — I say more! — Twilight. (Or something like that?)

But we learn much more from the cover story than just how jaunty and handsome alligator-wrangling can be: Most notably, that the actor watches the kind of TV that you only watch when your remote runs out of batteries and you can’t change the channel, or after a misguided, drunken night when you feel like finding a reason to despise yourself even more. Says Pattinson: “I just watch reruns of House of Payne and Two and a Half Men. I love Cops — I think it’s my favorite TV show.” Also, getting topical, the actor gives his two cents about Charlie Sheen, an actor he thinks is a bitchin’ rock star from Mars: “I like crazy people who don’t give a f—,” says Pattinson. (Take a trip to the alley near my East Village apartment, Rob — you might change your tune.)

Other topics of conversation: Pattinson touches on the Kristen Stewart romance rumors — “When [Twilight] is over … the media will lose interest [in the relationship]. There’ll be nothing to say. It won’t fit into a headline anymore. It won’t fit into a template.” — and Water for Elephants co-star Reese Witherspoon tackles Pattinson’s rabid fans. “I’d never seen anything like that, ever,” Witherspoon told the magazine. “They were waiting at five o’clock in the morning to see him. Young girls. Where are their mothers?” I’d say on the Breaking Dawn set to capture a sight of Peter Facinelli, Reese.

Are alligator scarves the next big thing?!

Read more:

‘Water for Elephants’ poster convincing me it’s actually ‘Moulin Rouge’

‘Water for Elephants’ trailer: Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon under the Big Top