Christina Aguilera detained for public intoxication. Here, Xtina, have some much-needed PopWatch Therapy.
Image Credit: Christopher Polk/Getty ImagesHey there, Christina. Come on over. Take a seat. Would you like a snack? No, I understand I sound a bit like Chris Hansen right now, but this is not To Catch a Predator. This is PopWatch Therapy. Why do you need it? Well, it seems you’ve been experiencing some hard knocks as of late. You filed for divorce from Jordan Bratman last October. Your film, Burlesque, didn’t do so well at the box office in November. Photos stolen from you by a computer hacker leaked onto the Web in December. You flubbed a line singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” before the Super Bowl in February. And, just last night, those hard-partying rumors caught up with you when you were detained on suspicion of public intoxication, transforming you into the subject of ridicule for bloggers and Internet commenters worldwide.
So that’s where we come in. Never known to kick celebrities when they’re down (well, it depends which ones), we’re here to help. To provide, as Stuart Smalley would say, some daily affirmation. (At least for today.) So, without further ado, let’s list off some of your admirable qualities, shall we?
- Repeat showings of this video on TRL proved that there ain’t no other girl who can writhe like you.
- You once wore this vest. That’s winning!
- Your neck is strong enough to support this kind of hair.
- Your name seems to indicate that you’re concise and to-the-point, Xtina.
- “Dirrty” proved you work well in large groups.
- You think quickly on your patriotic feet. Plus, since you can easily fill in the blanks, you’d be a great Mad Libs partner.
- Come on: Your soaring voice!
- This one comes directly from EW’s Annie Barrett: “Whenever I try on lip color that is definitely too dark for me/all blonde women, I automatically think of you. That’s a real accomplishment!”
- Finally, you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, (some) people like you!
Let’s help a girl out, PopWatchers: Let’s tell Xtina why we still love her! Oh, and, Christina, just listen to this song if you want to feel better. It always works for us.