By Joseph Brannigan Lynch
Updated February 25, 2011 at 08:58 PM EST

How did unicorns die out? According to Ke$ha’s “Blow” music video, it looks like she and James Van Der Beek gunned down most of them at a swank cocktail party (the last refuge of any endangered species).

The first two minutes of “Blow” are deceptively normal—well, as average as a video with bipedal unicorns in tuxedos can be. Deprived of her trademark Keith Richards-via-dumpster-diving look, this edition of Ke$ha is dressed to the nines, sipping champagne and dancing with the soiree’s only other non-mythical member, James Van Der Beek (Who refers to her as Ke-dollar sign-HA, just like Glee’s Principal Figgins).

Sparkling wine? Where’s the Jack D, girl? Has fame and fortune spoiled our pretension-free party girl? Considering her first words to Dawson Leery are, “Well, if it isn’t James Van Der Douche,” the answer is a resounding “no.” (Skip ahead to 2:20 for the funny stuff).

Lucky-lady Kesha then does to James Van Der Beek what so many of us have been fantasizing about for years: whip out two laser pistols, mow him down and mount his head on her wall.

Sadly, many unicorns are caught in the crossfire, but happily, they bleed rainbows, so we are treated to a spectacle grander than a Skittles commercial but not quite the equal of walking down Christopher Street during Pride Week.

Wait… unicorns in the video… maybe it WAS a dream…. oh my god, is Ke$ha is a replicant?

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