The funniest TV lines from the week of Jan. 28, 2011

”My girlfriend Lucy is the sexiest woman in town. She’s Cuban, she’s got tattoos, and she’s into me, which as far as I’m concerned is the sexiest quality a woman can have.” —Tom (Aziz Ansari) on Parks and Recreation

”Are you on Facial Book?” —Alan (George Segal) on Retired at 35

”Big news in the world of media — after months of negotiations, the government has finally told cable giant Comcast that they may purchase NBC. All I have to say to Comcast is, ‘Keep your receipt.”’ —Conan O’Brien on Conan

”Oh, he apologized? Well, I guess that completely unbangs that stripper.” — Britta (Gillian Jacobs), to Shirley (Yvette Nicole Brown), after Shirley said she was getting back together with her cheating ex-husband because he apologized, on Community