Dan Snierson's Hit List
1. Cameron Diaz says she’s ”pretty sure” she bought pot from high school classmate Snoop Dogg
Asked to verify this, Snoop said: ”If we’re talking about that tall hot white chick, hell, yeah, it’s true! Charged her double, too — she wouldn’t go to prom with me!”
2. Oprah reveals she has half sister she never knew about
She made the discovery after a FedEx elf discreetly told her to check under her seat for a surprise.
3. Jesse James and Kat Von D get engaged
Security was so tight at their engagement party, guests had to get tramp-stamped if they wanted in-and-out privileges.
4. Jennifer Aniston calls ”The Rachel” the ugliest haircut she’s ever seen
The second-ugliest? When Ross sported ”The Marcel.”
5. E! debuts True Hollywood Story about Kate Gosselin
Let me save you the time: fertility treatment. Twins. Fertility treatment. Sextuplets. Plastic surgery. Reality show. Divorce. Hair. Reality show. Reality show. Reality show.
6. Taco Bell pulls ads from MTV’s racy teen drama Skins
”We can’t stand by and watch MTV flush morality down the toilet, future home to our chalupas and gorditas,” said a Taco Bell spokesperson.
7. Snooki and Kim Kardashian hang out at NBA game
Their powwow was cut short when a ref walked over and tried to use Snooki for a jump ball.
8. Steven Tyler reveals he turned down offer to record Led Zeppelin album
Why work with the world’s greatest rock band when you can engage in awkward high fives/fist bumps with Randy Jackson?
9. Wolves walk away after surrounded teenager defends self by blasting Creed song on his phone
”Wow, that was easy,” marveled the boy. ”I didn’t even get to the Nickelback track.”
10. Octomom’s neighbors complain about noise from her house
”You think it’s tough living next to her?” asked Octuplet No. 6. ”Try living inside of her.”