The Old Spice Guy is back! The sweet-smelling Renaissance god is poised for another series of heroic ad-vertis-ments, according to the man himself. In a new video that addresses "ladies, men, mammals, and the mighty sequoia of the redwood forest," Old Spice Guy pontificates on his heroically unmatched body and why it makes seamstresses cry and jackets useless. He dares you to stare through his striking brown eyes, so as to tap his memories of his brilliant TV spots. Go ahead. Try.

Did you spend the entire video waiting for the shower stall to disappear, leaving him in some mountain terrain, cooking a quiche with one hand while he choked a grizzly in a headlock with the other? I assume OSG's return has more to do with the Super Bowl than EW's Big Shill bracket game, but this can only help his chances against the Snapple Lady.

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