Credit: Timothy White/E! Networks

Image Credit: Timothy White/E! NetworksSorry, K&K. Turns out you really do need the third K to really round out the krazy. Without Khloe Kardashian (location: “Heaven”) around to say inappropriate things and act like a real human being, E!’s Kim and Kourtney Take New York feels boring and desperate, much like Kim herself. In last night’s premiere, Kim was single, horror show Scott was a maniacal horn dog looking to unleash his all of his pent-up sobriety energy on Kourtney, and Kourtney was instructed to order breakfast for Kim every morning or risk constant pillow thwacks to the head. Who would take care of Baby Mason if Kourtney had to go to the doll hospital? The responsible child care staff provided by E!? Shudder!

The producers helpfully arranged for Michael Copon, “an actor, like a singer” with whom Kim “worked” 5 or 6 years ago on The N’s Beyond the Break, to run into Kim at a club. The two later went on a date, but she wouldn’t even let him kiss her. What??? Perhaps Kim was holding out for Kanye West, who “randomly” stopped by the new SoHo location of Dash. (Oh, right, the whole point of this series is seemingly that K&K are going to run this NYC branch of their boutique, but so far they’ve just stood in the empty space.) It was weird that Kanye was able to take a break from tweeting so easily. All of a sudden, Kim had invited Kanye to her birthday party in Vegas. “You wanna come,” she murmured, more telling than asking. “I do,” strobed Kanye. “I know you do,” gargled Kim. It was intense.

And then Scott ruined the moment, as he did in every other scene, and that was that. Kanye basically called him out on his toolishness, and to retaliate, Scott misguidedly got all revved up. “Look at me! I’m a calm, easy going guy!” said the complete whack job. It’s never true if you have to say it out loud. God, Scott. You can’t just wear half-summer-half-winter outfits. Even if there is a “half-soft half-hard” waiting in your pants.

Did anyone else shamelessly tune in to ‘Kim and Kourtney’? Bet you didn’t talk to your sister about the Kardashians and their lore for 35 minutes before the show! That would be so sad.

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

Keeping Up With the Kardashians
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