Well, isn’t this adorable. Justin Bieber is pairing with PETA in a campaign to encourage folks to adopt their pets from a shelter. As a cat lover, this news has taken me to a Bieber-admirer from a Bieber-I’m-convinced-he’s-actually-a-robot-programmed-to-take-over-the-world-via-mind-altering-nail-polish-merchandise. But one question, Biebs: Why aren’t there animals in this poster? A few guesses:

1) Because you need to allow children white space to tape their own face on the poster. Looks better when they glue it to their binders. (Do kids still use binders? Or are they hover binders now?)

2) Because the Bie-va shares the stage with no one.

3) Because the mere image of Bieber cradling a kitten or puppy in his arms would set off the cutest apocalypse ever, causing our minds to implode and our cities to crumble because nothing, nothing, could ever be that precious again. All that would remain is hair gel and blow-dryers.

4) Because it’s easier to just plaster words over a stock photograph.

Your irrational theories, PopWatchers?