The best lines from the week in TV, featuring ''Modern Family,'' "Cougar Town,'' and "The Soup"

”After being released from rehab, Lindsay Lohan tweeted a Gandhi quote. The only thing Lindsay Lohan and Gandhi have in common is they’re both skinny and orange.”
— Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately

”More bad news? I can’t take it! My heart already feels like it’s got a fat chick sitting on it.”
— Bobby (Brian Van Holt) on Cougar Town

”Tint the windows of your van and break out the leftover Christmas candy, because Toddlers & Tiaras is back.”
— Joel McHale on The Soup

”There’s no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.”
— Jay (Ed O’Neill) to Gloria (Sofia Vergara), who says she can’t ride a bicycle because it’s too difficult to keep the bike upright, on Modern Family