Lindsay Lohan, Chuck Norris, and more stars who made the cut

1. Jersey Shore sets ratings record: 8.5 million people watch season 3 premiere

”Congrats on the news and celebrate responsibly,” MTV so did not say to the cast.

2. People playing Lost‘s ”cursed” numbers in Mega Millions lottery score $150 payout!!!
Which brings their total winnings after playing those numbers every week for almost six years to…-$154.

3. Carlos Santana reveals he got hitched in December
He would’ve told you sooner, but he just finished this mind-blowing solo he started back at the reception.

4. Judge orders the Game to pay $50,000 for brawling with cousin at funeral
”Ohhh…a moment of silence?” Game asked the priest after the ceremony. ”I thought you wanted a moment of violence.”

5. T.I. busted by prison guards for canoodling with wife
They were in violation of Arkansas Prison Code 41.27.2C, which prohibits any contact with an inmate that results in ”Big Things Poppin’.”

6. Muse say they’ve had ”discussions” and ”coherent conversations” about performing in space
What if they play ”Supermassive Black Hole” inside a supermassive black hole? Dude

7. Police allege Lindsay Lohan violated probation; DA’s office may file battery charges
C’mon, 2011. Remember that whole talk we had about turning over a new leaf? You’re better than this.

8. Chuck Norris rep says L.A. pot shops aren’t authorized to sell ganja named after the actor
Fact: Chuck Norris once got the munchies so bad, he ate the entire buffalo he’d just hollowed out to sleep in.

9. ”For Your Consideration” ads for Jackass 3D turn out to be DVD promo
So you’re telling me there’s no Outstanding Use of Superglue to Fuse a Dwarf to a Fat Man category?

10. Willow Smith may record version of her dad’s hit ”Parents Just Don’t Understand”
”Why would she do that?” asked Will, shaking his head. ”I just don’t get it.”