Credit: Michael Yarish/A&E

Image Credit: Michael Yarish/A&EThere’s no script for being a dad, an older, wiser David Hasselhoff explained on last night’s premiere of his new A&E series The Hasselhoffs. That might be true, but there is clearly a script for this so-called reality show, where the painfully cheesy voiceover distracts from important things like caffeine addiction, animal psychology, and The Hoff’s multitude of eponymous tees, including “Drop It Like It’s Hoff.” (Actually, that was pretty hard to miss.)

Call him what you will — he’s partial to Knight Rider or “The German Elvis” — but deep down The Hoff is just a regular ol’ dad trying to run a household full of aspiring starlets and zoo animals. Hasselhoff’s two daughters Hayley and Taylor-Ann (or “Hay” and “Tay”) have the showbiz bug, and younger sister Taylor fears she’ll become haggard by 21 if she stays in school, instead of going for her dream to be a singer, like right. Now. Luckily, dad’s (failed) attempt to convince his daughter to stay in school (if only for two or three years of undergraduate education) can double as a speaking opportunity, as he took the stage at the University of Arizona to warn Taylor’s peers about the perils of stardom. One ballsy coed hassled The Hoff with a question about “negative press” resulting from the now infamous “cheeseburger incident.” Luckily, Hasselhoff kept his cool, (and perhaps created another winning t-shirt slogan?) and referred to the low point as a teaching moment. Watch the video below.

Yes, “Sometimes life gives you a wake-up call. It’s how fast you get up, not how hard you fall,” The Hoff says. If the cheeseburger incident was a wake-up call for Hasselhoff, is this new venture his way of asserting his sobriety and promoting a new-found outlook on the rest of America? After two episodes, I’m still unsure of whether this is supposed to be a “serious” peek into his life — with these over-enunciated, over-acted voiceovers mere attempts at humor — or, a complete meta farce that pokes fun at the image and idea of The Hoff that many have come to know (and at times appreciate? Don’t be shy).

Did any of you watch The Hasselhoffs last night, PopWatchers? And instead of a family-focused reality show, do you wish The Hoff had gone with our idea of America’s Next Top Retired Lifeguard?