By Annie Barrett
Updated December 06, 2010 at 07:00 PM EST

I’ve been struggling to figure out how to make people totally impressed with me during the holidays, and the OTHER special guest on The Simpsons, Martha Stewart, offered much more productive advice in this arena than Katy Perry (“Wear latex”). After the jump, Six Easy Steps to Make Your Home Feel Like a Childless Gay Couple’s. Finally! Some answers!

1. Knit your own jet pack so you can escape your ice-cold existence at any time and fly off to help people.

2. Use the baby’s spiky head to create fun window stencils.

3. All children would rather “play Soldier” than play for real! Wrap aluminum foil around ping pong paddles to wind them up good.

4. Punish the most ambitious one for her failed attempt to please/mimic you with a pathetic eco-smart decoration. “Lie face down, and your beautiful smile will be molded into the snow!”

5. “A slumbering hubby is now a Traditional Christmas Tableau! Copyright: Martha Stewart.”

6. If he stirs, a little Hubby’s Holiday Helper should do just the trick. There, there.

Congratulations! “It’s like Christmas with a childless gay couple.” Now sit down, wait for Ina Garten to come over, and have a drink!

Oh, how I love when Martha makes fun of herself!

[Watch the episode on Hulu.]

Read more:

‘Simpsons’ exclusive video: Katy Perry as Moe’s girlfriend?!

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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