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Credit: Neil Jacobs/CBS
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  • TV Show
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  • CBS

Image Credit: Neil Jacobs/CBS Dear creators of Hawaii Five-0: Quit playing games with my heart. Half an hour into last night’s episode, we were on the cusp of a rare Triple Bingo. All we needed was a throwaway shot of a yummy tropical fish, a thrilling helicopter ride, or the last-minute revelation that the bad guys were gangsters. But alas! The budgets for underwater photography and airships must’ve been spent already, and the bad guys were a total Point Break crew of thrill-robbing triathletes. (I guess you could argue that triathletes are gangsters, in that they huddle in gangs and secretly control the government.)

We did see a morally ambiguous overweight Native Hawaiian, who was then granted pounds of lawsuit material when Danno and Steve weightlift-tortured him. Alex O’Loughlin ran faster than an elevator. At one point, Alex O’Loughlin got shirtless and Grace Park put on a bikini. If Daniel Dae Kim had hopped on his bike and Scott Caan said “Blah blah blah ex-wife blah blah daughter!” it would have officially exploded my TV. Daniel Dae Kim didn’t lurk in the shadowy surveillance van, but he did surveille from a van that was shadowy, which earns him half a star. Click forward for the full Bingo Board!

By the way, are you enjoying how Chin Ho apparently has a side-job as a stealth pitchman? Just a few weeks after he tried to make “Bing it!” a thing, this week he helpfully pointed out all the fun things you can do with smartphones. “You know, you can create shortcuts on that thing,” he said, sounding like the most helpful employee at that awful Verizon store.

Follow me on Twitter @EWDarrenFranich

Hawaii Five-0

type
  • TV Show
rating
network
  • CBS

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