Image Credit: Neil Jacobs/CBSGrabbing a garrote wire out of its hiding place in your lingerie is such a bittersweet way to end a one-night stand. But that’s just what the evil-Bond-girl femme fatale did in the first couple minutes of last night’s Hawaii Five-0. Based on the previews, I thought we’d be getting a complete hour themed around the terrible scourge of Evil/Hot Ex-CIA Assassins. But no one ever expects the out-of-control tour bus, which totally Dharma-Bussed the assassinatrix halfway through the episode. Having already worked through several hours’ worth of plot — “I’ve been gone for two hours and you’ve conducted two raids!” — the Five-0 producers threw up their hands and decided to make the rest of the episode two extended action sequences. Also, the gang solved North Korea.
Cars didn’t chase or crash, although one did blow up. Steve was so disgusted by his traitorous iPhone that he nearly threw it away. I wish I had a freeze-frame of Danno’s jealous-face when he met Steve’s ol’ buddy, cutely nicknamed “Bullfrog.” I realize that Danno never actually said the phrase “Back in Jersey,” but I’m marking off half of that square, because there was literally a five minute scene where Scott Caan’s only dialogue was “Jersey Jersey Jersey Sinatra Jersey Jersey Springsteen Jersey Jersey Bon Jovi Jersey.” Click forward for the full Bingo board.
Image Credit: CBS