1. Johnny Depp surprises students at grade school dressed as Jack Sparrow
It went better than the time he showed up as Edward Scissorhands, seriously wounding two students during art class.
2. Justin Bieber working on a line of nail polish to be sold at Walmart over holidays, then at Sears and Target in February…
And at the 99-cent store by late spring.
3. Glee breaks Beatles’ record for most top 100 songs
If only Paul and Ringo had nailed that re-rerecording of ”Don’t Stop Believin,”’ they might’ve been able to hold off those kids for a few more weeks.
4. Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin’s store robbed while couple appear on Today
I don’t want to cast aspersions here, but what’s Willard Scott’s alibi? I find it highly suspicious that no one in America turned 100 that morning…
5. Vivid offers cash-strapped Octomom a job on an adult film…as a production assistant
You know what they say about the porn industry — you always have to start on the bottom.
6. Carlos Mencia brags to TMZ about being undefeated in iPhone app ”fart battle”
If you thought it was tough being in the mind of Mencia, you really don’t want to be in his colon.
7. Guinness disputes World’s Largest Book claim at Frankfurt fair
Which removes the silver lining for the dude who bound the book and suffered the World’s Worst Paper Cut.
8. John Stamos’ extorters, who claimed to have incriminating pics, get four years in jail
I should probably destroy my autographed photo of him wearing a pink tank top in the ”Kokomo” video.
9. Two and a Half Men’s Angus T. Jones gets new $300,000-per-episode contract
But he couldn’t get upped to even two-thirds of a man in the title? You’re 17 now, kid — I’d think about a new agent.
10. Eminem tells 60 Minutes he doesn’t allow swearing at home
In other news, Susan Boyle says she’ll cut a bitch.