It’s a difficult time in American history. Political instability, economic uncertainty, war, populist outrage… The time is right for a movie that dares to explore the trials and tribulations of Abraham Lincoln, one of our country’s greatest and most tormented Presidents. Unfortunately, that movie is probably not happening anymore. But don’t worry, America, we’re getting the Lincoln biopic we really deserve. According to Variety, the Tim Burton-produced adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is going to begin pre-production, with Wanted/Night Watch director Timur Bekmambetov helming the movie. Since the material is so over-the-top, and since Burton and Bekmambetov are two flavors of stylized insanity, just how crazy is this movie going to be?

Another important question: who’s going to play Lincoln? The story follows Honest Abe from his youth through his presidency, so the part would require someone who could play tormented-youth and old-soul politician. It would require Oscar-worthy gravitas, Bruckheimer-worthy action juice, and some sort of wonky 19th century accent. People, isn’t this the role that Johnny Depp was born to play?

It’s worth noting that, despite the goofiness of the title, there’s a good chance that AL:VH could actually be a mite controversial. The Civil War ended almost 150 years ago, but the symbolic wounds left by the conflict are still very present in American life. (Just look at the controversy over UPN’s lame Lincoln White House sitcom, The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer.) It’s a good bet that Bekmambetov will try to sidestep any controversy by really going for broke on the horror/action stuff.

Who do you think should play Abraham Lincoln, PopWatchers? And am I the only person who thinks this movie might actually push people’s buttons? Isn’t pretty much every Confederate leader shown to be a vampire? Is this another nail in the coffin of America’s education system?

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