So here I was agonizing over what I should do with this $70,000 burning a hole in my pocket, when BAM, the Adult Swim Shop smacks me with the answer: Meatwad balloon. Ponies, doll houses, bicycles? Zzzzzz. A giant, 90,000 square-foot hot air balloon in the shape of a mentally challenged talking meatball is what the ridiculously wealthy stoner Aqua Teen Hunger Force fanwants this Christmas (assuming of course you already have the $40,000 Dethklok Fountain). The $70,000 package, available starting today, includes:

  • One fully customized hot-air balloon with Meatwad envelope and basket
  • A piloted, one-hour ride anywhere in the continental U.S.

You’ll have to fight the urge to take the Meat Man for a spin yourself until you take care of a few things, like commercial insurance and a pilot’s license. But think how jealous you’ll make all your kids’ friends when you pick them up from school in your Meatwad balloon. (Plus, fellas — hello? Chick magnet!) Just watch out for Master Shake, cuz you know he’s looking to take this sucka DOWN.