September 16, 2010 at 08:55 PM EDT

Image Credit:; David Greenwood/Photodisc/Getty ImagesEvery few months, a new show surfaces and we all declare it the utter nadir of cultural decrepitude. Ding! It’s time for another one of those. E! announced a new show called Bridalplasty today, which will follow soon-to-be-brides as they compete to win plastic surgery procedures. You know, to be “perfect.”

According to E!’s official announcement, 12 “eager brides-to-be” shack up and compete for plastic surgeries off their “wish lists.” “From muffin tops to crooked noses to flat chests, the perceived imperfections they hope to fix are extensive and dramatic,” the statement reads. It gets worse:

In the finale, the “Bridalplasty” champion will be named and viewers will follow her journey as she prepares for her dream wedding, which includes undergoing all of the procedures on her plastic surgery “wish list,” and her fiancé’s anticipation as he waits to see her full transformation. In a moment anticipated all season long, the bride will finally walk down the aisle to reveal her new appearance to her husband-to-be. Viewers will witness his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar and he lifts her veil to see her for the first time following her extreme plastic surgery. The dramatic finale marks the end of her quest for perfection and reveals if her dream wedding does in fact become a reality.

Yes, the plastic surgeon from The Swan is the plastic surgeon for this show, too. Of course.

I need to go wash my soul in boiling holy bleach. Bridalplasty hits on some of the vilest trends in unscripted programming: pathological vanity, the wedding industrial complex, and women degrading themselves for fame and sport.

Every generation gets the grotesque emotional bankruptcy it deserves, I guess. Are you not entertained, PopWatchers?

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