By Michael Slezak
Updated August 25, 2010 at 09:12 PM EDT
Andrew Eccles/The CW

Image Credit: Andrew Eccles/The CWIn a case of two great tastes that taste slightly less than great together, The Vampire Diaries‘ bewitching Kat(erina) Graham (who plays Bonnie, the enchanted BFF of heroine Elena) has recorded a cover of Paula Abdul’s genius 1989 pop-trash classic “Cold Hearted” that is streaming today at Don’t get me wrong: I strongly approve of a second helping of “Cold Hearted” getting served up to today’s youth. After all, the original composition and its hot-ass, racy-for-the-times video are older than any Seinfeld rerun currently stored on your DVR. Or to put it another way, Graham herself wasn’t even born back when Paula laid the squeak down for the original “Cold Hearted” vocals. That said, the slowed-down tempo and completely overhauled verses of Graham’s rendition do nothing to improve on the original composition. Ever worse, Graham performs a rap-ectomy here, completely nixing The Lady Abdul’s furiously spat wordplay (which so famously/ridiculously ended with “Take a take another ‘nother look into his eyes and you will only see a rep-tile”) and instead chooses to coo “He’s nasty, like a fake tan. Heart-break-er don’t give a damn.” I understand that times change, and cheese isn’t the commodity it used to be, but you wouldn’t throw a pair of skinny jeans on the Botticelli’s Venus just to make her more demographically alluring, would you? (Oh yeah, I went there.)

What do you think of Graham’s “Cold Hearted”? Share your feelings in the comments. And because I’m already halfway to cray-cray, I’m going to use the fact that Graham’s Vampire Diaries grandmother was played by none other than Jasmine Guy as an excuse to embed the latter diva’s 1990 track “Another Like My Lover” after the jump. Now quit trying to act like I haven’t piqued your currrrriousitaaay, and jump!