10 hot topics for the week of July 16, 2010

By Dan Snierson
July 23, 2010 at 04:00 AM EDT

1. Paris Hilton detained for alleged cannabis possession in Corsica, weeks after World Cup arrest
”It’s time to clear the air,” she said. ”I was wrongfully arrested for pot in South Africa. This time, I was wrongfully detained for marijuana on a French island. So, this is totally classier!”

2. Justin Bieber gets own comic book
His secret origin story reveals that he’s actually 91 years old! (Amazing what a blow-dryer and comb can do.)

3. Ex-GN’R drummer Steven Adler reveals in book that he racked up 28 overdoses, three botched suicide attempts, and two heart attacks
And that was only during his first argument with Axl.

4. Vince Vaughn and wife expecting baby
They’re planning on a natural birth, but are also bracing for a C-section in case he/she turns out to be a Stage 5 clinger.

5. David Letterman extortionist nominated for News & Doc Emmy
It was bittersweet for our felon, as he was snubbed for a Best Botched Blackmailing nod in the 58th annual Crimeys.

6. Longtime estranged Pink Floyd members Roger Waters and David Gilmour to perform together on Waters tour
Guess pigs can float.

7. Jennifer Aniston goes topless for perfume ad
Curiously, though, she nixed ”I’ll Be Bare for You” as her scent’s theme song.

8. Steven Seagal harassment suit mysteriously dropped in court
Which means only one thing: He’s been…Marked for Mediation.

9. TMZ reports that Oksana signed, then rejected a $15 million settlement deal from Mel Gibson
All things considered, Mel took it fairly well, creating only 2.3 more tapes’ worth of material.

10. Spencer Pratt: ”I’m a fame whore…. I still need to do stunts and take cues from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise”
Hey, Spencer, did you know that Brad and Tom once quit the biz for years to learn how to base-jump without a parachute? Seriously, look it up on Wikipedia. (Quick, somebody update it!)