By Tanner Stransky
Updated July 18, 2010 at 12:00 PM EDT

Image Credit: Cliff Lipson/CBSYou know what’s sad? When a white girl tries to act “hood” on national television by employing a crazy twang and saying things like “y’all” and dropping the final g off words to make them sound street. Seriously, kill me! All kudos (err?) go to HOH Rachel for accomplishing such a feat and looking completely stupid when hosting the Have or Have Nots Competition on tonight’s episode of Big Brother! The back yard “looked like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air“? Really, Rachel—have you ever seen that show? It was set in Bel Air—not West Philadelphia! I can’t with her. I suppose I shouldn’t take this all so seriously. But moving on…

All that said, I sort of totally loved the competition—I mean, how often do you really get to see someone duct taped to a wall? Bravo to Big Brother producers for keeping the challenges completely ridiculous—and thus, totally entertaining—so far this season. (SPOILER ALERT: Stop here if you haven’t seen the episode and don’t want to know anything about what happened.)

I suppose, getting back to Rachel, the gal has bigger problems than how silly she looks on national television—even if she doesn’t realize it. Does this lady not get the fact that everyone in the house hates her and Brendon? Honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered who she nominated for eviction this week (unsurprisingly, she put up Monet and Britney, who have become quite the little duo as of late) because next week, unless Brendon wins HOH, everyone—and I mean, everyone!—is going to come after her. She’s completely unlikeable, in my opinion, and doesn’t seem to care one bit about trying to get anyone else to like her. Brendon’s fate, too, will be sealed as soon as someone else gets control of the house.

As for who’s possibly going home next week, I can’t honestly say that I’m surprised at all that Rachel chose Monet and Britney. The two are removed from everyone in the house and seem to only sit around and kvetch about their housemates. Hello, that makes them my faves! Bitches are always the best. I don’t want either of them to be booted! Their commentary—especially moments when they were busting Rachel quietly about her huge bosom—are simply priceless. But if I had to choose one of the two to go, I’d choose Monet. Britney is smarter than you think, and—sorry, Monet—her jabs are funnier. And honestly, at this point, that’s all I really care about: Who’s saying funnier sound bites? That’s key.

This afternoon, I was wondering about whether CBS/Annie would tell the housemates that the Saboteur was gone from the house. And: Yes, they did, in a quick message from Annie herself. It was almost like Christmas had come to the Big Brother house, as everyone erupted! I’m still sad about this because, now, who’s going to wreak havoc on all these ninnies? Also, I’m still wondering about that whole two-people-in-the-house-are-lifelong-friends reveal—how come there was no mention of it or speculation about it in tonight’s episode? I still don’t believe it.

PopWatchers, what’d you think of tonight’s episode of Big Brother? Are you—like me—skeptical about the lifelong-friends thing? Were you at all shocked that Britney and Monet went up on the block? Are you ready for Showmance No. 2 (Hayden and Kristen)? Did Rachel’s performance during the Have or Have Nots Competition irk you as much as it did me?

Tanner on Twitter: @EWTanStransky


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