By Keith Staskiewicz
Updated July 12, 2010 at 07:31 PM EDT

Image Credit: Jim Watson/AFP/Getty ImagesTired of looking for a children’s book for real, patriotic Americans? Everyone knows The Giving Tree supports a welfare state, Curious George is part of the evolution agenda, and don’t even get me started on that tree-hugging Lorax. Well, now you can search no further: The Christian publisher Zondervan has announced that they will be publishing an unauthorized biography of Sarah Palin for young readers. Speaking Up will fashion the story of the former governor’s life as a source of inspiration for ages 9-12.

According to the New York Times, Bristol Palin’s unplanned pregnancy will not be covered in this kiddie version of Going Rogue. Also likely to be excluded are the vice-presidential candidate’s hunting affinities: Children who love Dr. Seuss’ Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose probably wouldn’t be interested in seeing Ms. Palin pump a high-powered bullet through that big heart of his. And I doubt that her hand-written note gaffe will make it into the final draft, lest you end up inspiring students to use crib sheets during their oral book reports.

What do you think, Shelf-Lifers? What else do you think won’t be in the book? What will be? And who do you think will be the primary evil villain: Levi Johnston or Katie Couric?