Taylor Lautner made his Late Show with David Letterman debut last night. Among the topics of conversation: Who would win in a one-on-one fight between a vampire and a werewolf (watch Letterman try to break it down in the clip below) and the different ways fans around the world show their undying devotion. “In Japan, they’re very sensitive. They cry a lot,” he began. He feels bad, so he’ll touch them with one hand and assure them they’ll be alright. “And then, they start crying more.” So he grabs their shoulders with two hands and says, seriously, it’s gonna be just fine. “And then they start bawling. And eventually…they just faint. And, problem solved.”

Subversive humor, Mr. Lautner. We like it! He also detailed the infamous hotel rush he and Kristen Stewart experienced in Brazil when fans found out what floor they were doing interviews on and tried to come up. Their security rushed in, locked the door, and said, “It’s okay, you know, remain calm. But we got 2,000 girls that just, you know, stormed the lobby. They got past hotel security, and right now, we’re calling the uh Brazilian National Guard.” When Letterman called it inexplicable, Lautner said, “It’s very special.” Again with the funny!

Another highlight: Setting up the clip, Letterman said, “Oh god, I hope you got your shirt off.” Lautner’s response: “Ninety percent of the movie, I do. So we got a good shot.” Alas, he didn’t.

And P.S., to Summit, you cut that clip too soon! I think if you had shown Lautner’s delivery of his complete line, “I kissed Bella, and she broke her hand punching my face,” people would have seen that the Eclipse script has more layers than the first two films.

More ‘Eclipse’:

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