Dinocroc Vs. Supergator was impeccable Saturday-night junk entertainment. The Syfy network has really tapped into a solid niche audience for cheesy, new, low-budget sci-fi-horror movies, and this one, produced by the legendary Roger Corman and featuring the late David Carradine, was goofy fun all the way.

“What the hell is going on?” asked Carradine early in this two-hour festival of square-jawed heroes, buxom babes, and monstrously bad CGI. What was going on was Carradine portraying a rich investor, Jason Drake, who was interested in using biotechnology to “create genetic Frankensteins” using “growth hormones on living creatures.”

The best thing about Dinocroc Vs. Supergator was its fast pace. The movie knew that the only way to keep us watching was to immediately immerse us in a tropical setting, get the croc and the gator chomping on tourists and one sleazeball filmmaker (the director of the “just-completed” Maniac Man 6), and zooming past the bad dialogue and acting.

Carradine’s part was filmed separately from the rest of the monster action — the idea was that his Drake had a weak heart and communicated via phone to the people in the thick of his dangerous experiments. It’s good that Carradine was kept away from most of the rest of the cast, since they were busy giving strenuously bad performances. I haven’t seen this much over-acting on a Saturday night since January Jones hosted SNL.

Foremost among the delightfully schlocky roles was Logan, a.k.a. The Cajun, a swampy hunter hired to kill the rampaging Dinocroc and the Supergator. Logan, played by Rib Hillis (now there’s an actor-name!), had the bright idea to pit the two monsters together for the movie’s big final battle. Why? Because, he said, “I know lizards, they’re pretty smart… the alligator and the crocodile are mortal enemies. We make ’em fight, and then take out the winner.”

Dinocroc Vs. Supergator was its own sort of film mutation: Dinocroc was a 2004 Corman film (starring the great Charles Napier), while Supergator was a 2007 Corman production featuring Kelly McGillis. For Syfy, Corman melded his two properties and the result was swift ridiculousness that had good, lowdown energy. Scoff if you want, but there are gradations of junk, and I’d rather watch a TV-movie like this than CSI: Miami or America’s Got Talent any night.

Did you watch?

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