By Darren Franich
Updated June 23, 2010 at 03:58 PM EDT

Image Credit: DC ComicsSooner or later, all great men take a road trip across America. John Steinbeck. Lewis & Clark. The dudes in Easy Rider. Forrest Gump. And now, the Last Son of Krypton. Today, the 700th issue of Superman hits stores, beginning a year-long storyline called “Grounded,” in which the superhero will walk from sea to shining sea. But wait, there’s a meta-twist! According to DC’s website, Superman might visit your town. All you have to do is write an essay “describing why Superman should visit.” I assume he’ll only do so in the comic book and not in real life, but hey, who knows what kind of contract Brandon Routh signed?

Unfortunately, Superman’s travel plans are pretty set in stone at this point: beginning in Philadelphia, Penn., he visits Chicago, Ill., Des Moines, Iowa, Omaha, Neb., Denver, Colo., Salt Lake City, Utah, Las Vegas, Nev., Los Angeles, Portland, Ore., and Seattle, Wash. (Yeesh, Supes really likes the Pacific Northwest. Guess he must prefer coffee to mint juleps. Or maybe he just really wants to go skiing? Err, super-skiing?) The essays are supposed to be 75-1,000 words. Here is my humble plea:

Dear Mr. Superman,

I’m not going to ask you to visit me here in New York, since you live in Metropolis, which is basically just New York sans Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens, Staten Island, and Manhattan above midtown. But please, oh please, couldn’t find it in your heart to visit San Francisco, my old hometown? SF hasn’t had a good superhero since Joe Montana went to Kansas City. (The X-Men moved out there, but they live in Marin – bridge and tunnel alert!) You could compete with Mayor Gavin Newsom in a contest to see whose hair is more indestructible. And we could all learn a valuable lesson about gay marriage, or the Internet, or something. Plus: the Golden Gate Bridge! Come on, you don’t really want to go to Los Angeles, do you? All L.A. has to offer is beautiful people, sunshine, and happiness. Lamezors!



PopWatchers, do you want Superman to visit your town? Why or why not? And seriously, he’s not even going to stop over in Kansas to say hi to the ol’ gang in Smallville? Who does this guy think he is?