Five-word speeches at this year's Webby Awards: Could you have done better?
At last night’s Webby Awards, where a five-word acceptance speech is the only barrier between the winners and a room full of scoffs and harsh judgment from peers, the offerings turned out to be a tad disappointing. Last year, Jimmy Fallon’s “Thank God, Conan got promoted” was honest, self-deprecating, and personal, without being an inside joke that no one could understand. In other words, everything a five-worder should be.
This year, however, contained a number of offenses. First, you had the cheaters (BBDO – “Please visit bbdoacceptancespeech.com”), followed by the overtly commercial (NYTimes.com – “All the news that’s fit.”), and worst of all, the downright boring (BBC News’ “About to become even better.”). Groan.
Others chose to use their five words for a cause. OK Go went with “Fight for net neutrality now,” while Isabella Rossellini, accepting for Green Porno, took on the oil spill (and if you have that kind of filthy mind, a nod to her series): “I say, plug the hole.” Alrighty then! If I were giving out awards for last night’s speeches, here’s how it’d go down:
Buzz Aldrin – “Humanity. Colonization. Phobos. Monolith. Mars!”
BEST USE OF NOSTALGIA
Pandora – “Didn’t kill the radio star”
THEY’RE PROBABLY TOTALLY SINCERE AWARD
CNET.com – “Found iPhone 5? Call CNet.”
HE’S POSSIBLY NOT TOTALLY SINCERE? AWARD
Selleckwaterfallsandwich.tumblr.com – “Mom, I’m not on drugs.”
Arianna Huffington – “Goldman Sachs shorted my speech.”
BEST (AND ONLY) USE OF THE WORDS “DANCE PARTY”
Amy Poehler – “Me. You. P.S.22. Dance party.”
BEST CROWD PLEASER (tie)
Robert Scheer from Truthdig.com – “Wall Street: What f—king thieves.”
Roger Ebert – “Veni, vidi, vici.” (Yes, he’s so awesome, he only needed three words.)
SPECIAL AWARD – THE BUZZY
Jake and Amir from collegehumor.com – “Holy f—ing s–t, Buzz Aldrin!”
What about you, PopWatchers? Did you like any of the speeches? And what’s your best five-word acceptance speech? I’ll start: “Who knew I’d be awesome?” I’ll let Webby host B.J. Novak go second (because I posed this very question to him on the red carpet): “‘Thank you. Thank you. Thank.’ I’d just run out of words.”
Caption this: Cheezburgers on the red carpet