June 08, 2010 at 04:43 PM EDT

The View

TV Show
Current Status
In Season
Joy Behar, Star Jones, Lisa Ling, Debbie Matenopoulos, Rosie O'Donnell, Meredith Vieira, Barbara Walters
Talk Shows

Joan Rivers is just so excited to be there. Anywhere. She LOVES to work! She’s doing a bunch of reality shows, but I wonder if she could make more money selling a line of her energy in beverage form or maybe in a serum. Women love serums. Anyway, Joan’s documentary with the best title in history, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, is in theaters this summer. She let a film crew follow her around for a year because all her friends are dying and she hates those biographical movies that make up lies. “Nothing was off-limits,” Joan promises. I can’t wait for this. It’ll be like Valerie Cherish: The Golden Years. The season finale of Joan’s How’d You Get So Rich? airs tonight on TV Land at 10 p.m. ET. Her infinite wisdom follows:

7 Joan Rivers gems on her 77th birthday:

7. “I’m 77 and I’m celebrating it by going to get my 77th face lift.”

6. “I hate children in an airplane. You get two little cr–py kids going ‘Lady, lady’…I turn into a terrorist.”

5. “I’d like a doctor to give me six weeks to live. I would go and eat Italian food. I would be dead with lasagna in my mouth [pictured].”

4. “I dress only in black in case a friend goes.”

3. “I cannot go through the pain of plucking my nipples anymore. I can’t do it!”

2. ”I haven’t got a uterus!”

1. “I will keep doing plastic surgery until I go to the bathroom and wipe my ears.”

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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