The funniest TV lines from the week of May 3

By EW Staff
May 14, 2010 at 04:00 AM EDT

”It’s important because Pawnee is the fourth-fattest city in the U.S. It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa, and certain parts of the Mall of America.”—Leslie (Amy Poehler), on a diabetes fund-raiser telethon she organized, on Parks and Recreation

”Every Realtor’s just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere. But not me; I’m completely clueless.” —Phil (Ty Burrell) on Modern Family

”I think that people respect my ideas more when they think they came out of magazines.” —Laurie (Busy Philipps) on Cougar Town

”On Thursday the Dow fell 1,000 points because someone entered a billion instead of a million. How is that possible? How is there not a backup system? When I delete a picture on Facebook, it asks me if I’m sure. Why is Facebook more squared away than the Dow?” —Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live‘s ”Weekend Update”

”Do you swear to slur the truth, the whole truth, and maybe a little bit of vomit?”—Joel McHale, on Lindsay Lohan giving a deposition in court, on The Soup